Krismus prioritizes the Apocalypse

Two tangential observations before I get down to the primary subject.

(1) It turns out my host, Blogger.com, has another blog called “The boring made dull,” which a guy in Akron OH has been running since January 05. He has LOTS of posts, and I haven’t yet read enough of them to find out if he’s more boring than I am. I hope he didn’t copyright or trademark his name. Well, as I pointed out in “Whence the name,” I got the idea for my name 25 years before he got the idea for his, so it was obviously totally independent of him.

(2) I forgot to mention in the last post: space aliens were kidnapping U.S. scientists at one time. Actually, _Weekly World News_ posed it as a question: “WHY DID SPACE ALIENS KIDNAP U.S. SCIENTISTS? Experts warn full-scale invasion of Earth is about to begin!” Presumably this was before Earth was supposed to have been destroyed, since the aliens couldn’t very well have kidnapped anybody after it was destroyed. But since Earth wasn’t destroyed (we’ll get to that later), the question still remains. Well, the answer would probably depend on who the aliens were and who the scientists were. I mean, it would be one thing if the Zorpelgophians kidnapped astrophysicists, and quite another if the Gelbafraxians kidnapped molecular geneticists. These are important points to consider.

But I will consider them, along with all the ramifications of the _WWN_ headline I left hanging in the last post (“GOD WILL DESTROY EARTH IN THE YEAR 2000!”), in a later post, while I now deal with the joyous, fun-filled season of profligate, obscene spending generally known as Christmas. For a pessimistic, cynical, curmudgeonly, grouchy grinch, nothing warms the heart so much as the time of year when the incidence of suicides, domestic violence, and all other forms of social and psychological pathology is highest. Soon after “Dr Seuss” published “The Grinch who stole Christmas,” I was christened “Grinch” by my family, and this was later conflated with “uncle” by my nieces and nephews to make me “Grunkle.” It is a title I cherish and try my best to live up to. (Seuss’s book ended happily with the Grinch being reformed. So far, I have not been reformed.)

In addition, I have (or had) a long history, in the church where I spent 33 years as organist (ranging from among the best years of my life to among the worst), of composing doggerel parodies of hymn tunes and other tunes in celebration of birthdays and other events in the lives of various choir members. So it is in this spirit, and with this history as background, that I offer the following “Anti-Bush Krismus carols,” parodying carols which I hope will be familiar to even the most heathen of readers, from their ubiquitous blaring from speakers in stores for one and a half months.

Joy to the world! The end is near! Let Earth cash in her chips!
Let Bush the Psychopath bring on the last Apocalypse.

He rules the world with fear and awe, and makes the nations shit
To think that he could waste them all if he should think it fit.

No more may love or reason have the slightest good effect;
With christo-fascists in control, the whole thing could be wrecked.

Sucks to the world! Let’s all give up! Why should we even try
To make things better in a world that probably will fry?

O evil town of Washington, how all your leaders lie!
And when they get away with it, the people wonder why.
But when we seek impeachment, we’re told it can’t be done.
We’re stuck with you, so you can screw the nation just for fun.

How cleverly, how cleverly they all succeed in crime!
But when we seek for some redress, they get by every time.
We wait in desperation for meaningful reform,
But all we get is “No, not yet; corruption is the norm.”

Lest it be thought that Kismyass is the only holiday about which I am pessimistic, cynical, curmudgeonly, and grouchy, let me share with you a little snarl I wrote on the chalkboard of the choir room in one of the churches of “God and country” civil religion during Fourth of July weekend a few years ago. Let me hasten to preface this by assuring you that, like many true patriots, I have the greatest respect and love for the country that was founded 217 years ago (dating from the Constitutional Convention of 1789). and that survived, in spite of some rather serious mistakes, up until about six years ago; and the greatest contempt and loathing for the whore it has become after being dragged through mud and filth by the Bush crime family and the christo-fascist ideologues of the neo-con movement.

O pitiful, for specious lies, for ruthless greed for gain!
For democratic travesties amidst the widespread pain!
America! America! May God forgive your sins,
And save you from still worse to come, before your end begins.

Merry Kismyass and happy Revolution Day. What we need now is another Savior and another Revolution. One is promised by Christian theology, but in the indefinite future; the other is prevented by neo-fascist repression and popular lethargy and indifference. Where did we go wrong?