The Kill Everyone Project

I appear to have alienated a significant portion of my reader audience—essentially all of it, so far as I’m aware—and the only comment I can think of from my last post that might have done this was my statement that my sole platform as presidential candidate on the American Nihilist Absurdist Loafers ticket was to kill everybody who isn’t nice. I would have thought the total absurdity of such a statement, particularly coming from a self-declared nihilist absurdist, would have been obvious enough so that nobody could take it seriously enough to be offended by it. Dave Barry was perhaps more prudent in not publicizing any platform at all.

However, I was led to wonder whether anybody else had been so imprudent as to declare any such thing even in jest, so I Googled on “kill everybody who isn’t nice” (in quotes) and got precisely one hit—my own blog. So I tried it without quotes, which gets all sites which mention any of those words in any context, and got 2.16 million hits. As we all know, the vast majority of these are totally irrelevant to the idea stated in its entirety and consist of two or three of those words used in completely different contexts. But one site on the first page caught my attention, and when I opened it, it was a real whopper.

“The Sect of Homokaasu – The Kill Everyone Project – Bowling for Columbine Since 2001.” Catchy name, huh? So far as I can tell, it has absolutely nothing to do with the Michael Moore movie “Bowling for Columbine” except as a reference to insane violence; but “The Kill Everyone Project” really is a page devoted to killing the entire world population by mouse-clicking: every time the user clicks in a given box, someone is virtually killed. The Info page states: “The world is overpopulated. The people that overpopulate it are stupid. They should be killed.” Not just the ones who aren’t nice, not just enough to reduce the population to manageable proportions—all of them. Since 2001, they claim, more than 76,000 users have killed more than 6.411 billion people, or 98.46% of the world population; every country in the world has been extinguished except China, of which only about 92.62% of the population has been killed. If you register, you can play it as a game, competing with other killers for the greatest number of people killed—great fun! It will come as no surprise that Homokaasu, the host of this eminently sick, depraved page, has a number of other delightful goodies, such as a Global Stupidity page with a Global Stupidity Advisory System (yet another parody of the infamously silly Terrorist Threat Advisory System), and an “XXX Grandma’s Birthday Party – Obscene action! – Non-stop Pastry Fornication!” (available to members only).

So, to whom are we indebted for the fun-filled game of global genocide? Who or what is Homokaasu? The FAQ page calls it a “site for sillies containing creative and weird stuff,” the authors of which are anonymous. And it comes from Finland. And homokaasu is Finnish for “gay gas.” The story of where the name comes from is one of the most bizarre aspects of the site, and involves a long, breathtakingly paranoid rant by some guy who claims the Roman Catholic church was pumping poison gas into his room to make him a homosexual. (I am not making this up, as Dave Barry would say.) Finland sounds like a very interesting place.

Oh, you ask how many of the remaining Chinese I killed? Only two. I told you I dislike violence, even virtual violence, and 76,000 other people are doing the job far more efficiently.

Maybe I’ll have to think of a better platform for the ANAL Party.